(Huh, the gun fizzled away into thin air. Was it even real? What a nonsensical night.) (...wait, I’m alive! Hm, this card must’ve fallen from the politician’s jacket.)

YULLY: Hey, the session is scheduled for this morning! Free group therapy could help me decide where to do with my new life. I should go find my boss, wherever he-

CAIM: Why if it isn’t my dearest new wage dump! You appear to not be at the counter awaiting a steady flow of funds to be crammed in your tight little moneyhole. Explain to me the events that led to you loafing there with my company pen covered in what looks like coagulated blood.

YULLY: Well, it was like this: a new customer who appeared to be a politician was looking for a cookbook. Before he could buy a book that was clearly not about cooking with food, a cyclops tornado creature showed up and floated in place while minding its own business. This sent the politician into a fit of rage and he pulled a pistol from his mouth and shot at the creature in vain. He then flung both of us from my desk and into a bookshelf on the other side of the store, but unfortunately he impaled his eye on my pen. He came up with a plan to defeat the creature by causing a singularity to occur when his own gun was fired by someone else, thus opening a portal to another dimension. This worked out exactly as he had imagined and now both are gone from the store.

CAIM: That sounds like something a wasted hipster would dream up, but I’ve seen stupider things happen in this town. Did that guy at least buy the book before dashing into cosmic madness?

YULLY: Uhh...nope.

CAIM: Never trust a politician! If you see him again in the future, make sure he buys a book. I would personally cram a stack down his festering gullet, but I have more pressing matters to attend to. The morning approaches in an hour and I want to close early - have to start on some renovations. We need to appeal harder to our target demographic.

YULLY: If you don’t mind me asking; what is our target demographic? Who buys books at 2 o’clock in the morning?

CAIM: People who work late and want to chill out. My decisions for the store were cherry-picked from an array of popular consumerist gimmicks, which I adapted to better serve the needs of a niche clientele.

Instead of mindlessly conforming to popular algorithms out of fear of rejection and failure, I took ideas from the most popular stores and fused them with novel concepts. The end result is an attractive yet exotic store for people who want to read books at nightmarish hours. I carefully curate the books to this demographic to ensure that what they find speaks to them. Much like finding a store within a dream that sells what you most crave, I’ll inevitably gain more traction than I would from just following the script like a precious fool.

YULLY: Huh, sure sounds innovative. Is there anything you need me to do before you close?

CAIM: Before you leave for the night, go check the restroom for bums jerking off in the stalls. The one rule for my restroom is “Don’t fap in the stalls” - I’ve got an image to uphold.

I refuse to let slobbering knob-flobbers slurp their nurps in my prestigious latrines of knowledge! Next thing you know people will start jerking off all over my books and the entire store will be a jizz-stained butcher shop that must be purged from our mortal existence. The slope is just that slippery!

YULLY: I’ll get right on it!

(I’m relieved that this night is over. Starting new things in life is a source of stress.) (The stalls so far look empty and pristine to me. One more and I’m free to-)