YULLY: Guess this is the place mentioned in the ad. (What is this place? Why is a bookstore open at midnight?) ...maybe this person knows where I can submit an application.

YULLY: Hello? I’m here for the clerk job!!

CAIM: I don’t care! Buy something.

YULLY: Unfortunately I’m broke and have $38,000 in student debt. Talk is much cheaper.

CAIM: Holy butts, did you at least get a decent degree to go with that cold glass of exploitation?

YULLY: I’m a Graphic Design major.

-Caim rolls on the ground in a laughing fit and a single tear rolls down his cheek- CAIM: College students are the greatest unknown comedians that society has to offer.

YULLY: But at least I have a degree. Therefor I’m overqualified for a retail job!

CAIM: Shit yeah man. Saves me time putting thought and effort into hiring you. Because I literally have no other options.

CAIM: My last (and only) clerk disappeared recently. Since I was too lazy to get his basic information, I have no idea what happened to him and need a new one. He’s probably dead and/or got a better job. No difference in my eyes.

YULLY: I’ll be sure to thank him if I see them alive or dead!

CAIM: Listen up; the job is now yours. Submit your contact information tomorrow because I need to sleep exactly two days ago. I keep getting this recurring nightmare involving clowns cramming whiskey bottles down my throat. I find it rather endearing now, but that’s besides the point. For tonight’s shift you have one job; cram these books straight up the ass of the first person you see. Metaphorically of course. Just know that the customer is always right and give them exactly what they want regardless of the logical reasoning...unless they steal from the store, then you should chase them down and get back my merchandise! They have money, get their money.

CAIM: This is the official symbol of my brand; The Means to An End. It’s a renewable pen that doubles as a makeshift box opener; the perfect tool for a book store clerk. Lose this and you’re fired.

YULLY: Neat. What about a uniform?

CAIM: Don’t worry, I got you covered.

YULLY: Whoa, how’d you do that?

CAIM: With money anything is possible. Get to work.